


Waking up

by ShiphausTrash



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1954245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiphausTrash/pseuds/ShiphausTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto is always there when he comes gasping awake</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking up

Because some days he’ll die in his arms and he thinks that one day it’s going to be his last; so when he falls he’ll send someone else to run after whoever shot Jack, he’ll hold onto him. Cradle his head in his arms; hold their heads together so they touch as if sharing thoughts through very little touches. Stroking his hair he resists the urge to kiss him on his head, this time though. If it turns out to be a bad day or a bad death he will kiss him and hold back the tears.  
But then he will come back gasping into life; heaving in deep breathes of air, if he is alone Ianto knows he comes back screaming, writhing in pain. Trying rip off the skin, jaw clenching. Breathing heavily; then he will lay there for a bit.  
The year, the month, the week, the day, the hour, the minute, the second depends on the amount of screaming and hair tearing. The amount of days he spends awake after, it doesn’t matter if he kills himself without sleep because he will do it again and again.  
So he stays with him, holds him, whispers in his ear when he wakes up that he’s okay, for him to breathe.  
And he imagines how it feels; how the sweet, kisses planted on his temple feels, how those rushed hands that run up and along his body would feel slow and soothing in his hair instead of desperate and urgent. Why don’t those lips and hands feel like his does, why don’t they.

When he falls, tears in his eyes. He can feel the hands desperately holding onto his arm, he falls anyway. His head cradled in one hand while the other rests against his head, thumb brushing against his cheek. Why now, why did it have to be now. He can see Jack is struggling with words;  
“It’s all my fault” says Jack,  
“No its not” replies Ianto shaking his head.  
“Don’t speak save your breathe” Jack says,  
“I love you” chokes out Ianto.  
“Don’t” replies Jack, smile on his face. Barely there trying to make it all better, he drifts off for a moment. The world shakes, or at least his vision does for a moment.  
“Ianto, Ianto, ianto, stay with me, stay with me, stay with me please” chants Jack, he takes a breathe, a moment. But he’s still there, still holding on,  
“Hey, it was good, yeah?” asks Ianto.  
“Yeah” jack reassures, he cant tell if those are fake words or not. He doesn’t care, he needs them,  
“Don’t forget me” says Ianto, he knows he is making himself feel better. But he needs it,  
“Never could” responds Jack, his thumb brushes against his cheek again.  
“Thousand years’ time, you won’t remember me” says Ianto, it’s getting harder to breathe now.  
“Yes I will I promise, I will” says Jack, there is that smile again. He lets it fill him, doesn’t matter if its fake, it only took his death for him to hold him this way. He worries what will happen when Jack wakes, how will he wake. He was always one for holding in the pain; he hopes he doesn’t wake alone.  
“Ianto, Ianto, don’t go, don’t leave me please, please don’t” repeats Jack over and over, he’s closed his eyes by now. He takes a final breathe and then lets the darkness take him, that warm hands still holding him, these were a little less desp-.

Jack wakes with a small breathe; he remembers everything that has happened. He doesn’t scream or fight, Gwen is beside him. She mourns for Ianto, she knows that Jack will come back. So he lets her have a moment, his eyes fill with tears. Wraps a hand around her makes sure she knows he is here, that he is alive. Doesn’t let the sounds of him crying be silent, he retrains them. How he wishes there were arms around him when he woke, a familiar voice in his ear, who would reassure him now. A blade through his stomach, a gunshot wound, a bat over the head. A whatever the fuck tried to kill him this week, who would be there now to tell him that everything would be okay?!  
Who…

**Author's Note:**

> Watched the third season and thought of this


End file.
